


turn this boat around (we're going down)

by starrydreams



Category: Oxenfree
Genre: Angst, Suicide Attempt, jonas is a good brother, stuck on the island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 14:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12110913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrydreams/pseuds/starrydreams
Summary: Alex lost count of how many loops of Edwards Island she completed, and repeated, failing over and over again. Time stopped feeling like a real concept to her, after a while. She guessed she now knew what it felt like for the people who lived before clocks, or sundials, were invented. Seconds, minutes, hours, it all seemed to merge together. It warped and bent, flowing in waves on its own accord. Sometimes, she finished the island loop in the blink of an eye, and other times it seemed to drag on for all of eternity.





	turn this boat around (we're going down)

     Alex lost count of how many loops of Edwards Island she completed, and repeated, failing over and over again. Time stopped feeling like a real concept to her, after a while. She guessed she now knew what it felt like for the people who lived before clocks, or sundials, were invented. Seconds, minutes, hours, it all seemed to merge together. It warped and bent, flowing in waves on its own accord. Sometimes, she finished the island loop in the blink of an eye, and other times it seemed to drag on for all of eternity.

     Looping the island was an automatic, thoughtless thing now. She didn’t have to think about where she was going or what she needed to climb or jump over, she just did it. Everything was so routine she could do an entire loop with her eyes closed. It caused her to dissociate heavily, zoning out at times and missing entire chunks of conversation with her friends. She only snapped back to the present-- _Present? What did that mean anymore?_ \-- only thinking when The Sunken broke script, or when she had the opportunity to contact another Alex.

     Jonas and her were about to go pick up Ren in the forest. They had just fixed the bridge ferry, along with the small ghost encounter that occurred in the glorified storage closet of a, what, a shed? Alex eyed the water as they walked toward the bridge to the ferry. She had watched Ren, and in some cases Nona, fall into it so, so many times. She wondered who she would see fall this time.

     They were on the bridge now, walking toward the ferry, and suddenly her throat closed up. They would experience their “first” loop if they crossed the chasm. Jonas would ask if she came there as a lot as a kid, they would play soccer with the ghosts, Jonas would disappear and her reflection would talk to her, she would try to warn another Alex. Fruitless, pointless it was. Contacting another Alex wouldn’t work, she tried and failed, tried, failed. Over and over. Nothing seemed to go through, not yet.

     It was suddenly so overwhelming. She had missed Jonas’s ‘what a night, huh?’ somewhere in the panic. Her pace slowed, just a bit, and he walked ahead of her. With his back turned to her, she acted quickly and rashly.

     She clambered over the railing of the bridge, hooking her legs around it for a moment. She, then, stood up on the very last inch or so on the bridge, holding onto the railing now behind her. She stared down at the water for a moment- long enough for Jonas to turn around and see her.  
Alex only heard part of his “Alex? Alex! What are you-?” before she let go of the railing and plummeted.

     On the way down, she gasped for air before plunging into the water below. The cold of the water seeped through her clothes as they got wet, though she didn’t fully register it. She allowed herself to sink, eyes open, and watching the scene underwater- a few fish swimming near her and then darting away, plants swaying slightly with the current the waterfall. Once she started floating back to the top-- curse the human body-- she did all she could to keep herself down, even though she didn’t know how to swim. She still never learned after what happened with Michael.

     Her lungs started to burn at one point, screaming for oxygen. It hurt like nothing she had ever experienced before, but she forced herself not to take a breath, no matter how badly she wanted to. Her lungs merely screamed more and more, her skin feeling like it was being pricked by a thousand needles. She wondered, briefly, if that was how Michael felt, how The Sunken felt when they drowned, if it was that painful for them, too.

     It made her guilt heighten, she wished she could have saved Michael from that pain. Hell, after she finally drowned she could apologize to him for it. If heaven was real, after all.

     Alex was just about to take a deep breath when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her middle, and kick up toward the surface. She struggled with her savior, wanting to stay underwater, though he kept a firm grip on her as they swam up to the top. The two of them resurfaced and she gasped for air as soon as she could, the burning, pins and needles feeling subsiding as she got oxygen to her lungs.

     Jonas dragged her out of the water, putting her on the strip of land before the rock to jump. He heaved himself out, and grabbed her again, but this time, he held her close to his chest, tucking her head under his chin. Alex couldn’t hold it in any longer, she sobbed into his chest and gripped the front of his shirt tightly. Jonas asked no questions, but simply comforted her and guided her through breathing. She was thankful for that, she knew how Jonas had the tendency to freak out about things when they were particularly traumatizing.

     “I’m sorry.” She apologized once she calmed down, pulling away from his tight embrace. “I just don’t want to do this anymore.”

     “Do the island anymore…? Well, yeah, I don’t want to either, but we’ll get everyone and get help, and we’ll be off this rock before you know it.”

     It struck Alex, suddenly and grimly, that Jonas didn’t _know_ that she, that _they_ had done this so many times. He didn’t know that they would be stuck on the island forever, unless she could figure out a way to save them. Even then, she would be doomed to spend the rest of eternity with the ghosts, learning what it felt like to wilt into atoms. It made her sick to her stomach, and she had to force herself not to throw up.

     Then, again, she supposed she had a cause worth fighting for- her friends. If she had to spend the rest of eternity with The Sunken to save her friends, it would be all worth it.

     Alex wiped her tears away and stood up on shaky legs, taking a deep breath. _You can do this, Alex,_ she told herself, _you can bare another loop, infinite loops if it meant saving the people you care about. You’ll just need to double your efforts to contact.. Um.. yourself._  
  
     “Yeah, you’re right, Jonas.” Alex gave him a small smile. “Let’s go nab Ren. Who knows, werewolves might be gnawing on him right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> first oxenfree fic that im posting!! im gonna have a jonas one up soon i just need to write down some canon dialogue  
> please leave kudos/comments if you read & liked it!!


End file.
